Realizing what's important in life

Lepetit89VIBlv354 päivää sittenDiary
I think it's been almost precisely two years since my first blog post here, minus a week or two, maybe.

Not like I actually write regularly, not at all; in fact, I think I've only ever written about somewhat important events, making small remarks about less important events of my life, such as people dying left and right, a part of my skin being surgically removed, that kind of event - we've all been there.

Nonetheless, before I divulge into an endless rant about how much I hate certain parts of my life (or people, rather), I feel I should just keep this concise and to the point.

I think anyone who's managed to take note of my work who does not hate my guts for getting into arguments with them knows that I spent most of the past two years adding my collection to this database. Doujinshi, a largely unclaimed frontier, an adventure - most of the free time I had went towards this, evenings, holidays, weekends spent on nothing but this noble effort. And about three months ago, I finished it, accomplished what seemed like a distant dream - I was done.

However, as with many dreams, you only see the reality of them once you've actually accomplished them. The truth is, after realizing just how much money went into my collection, I'm only just beginning to grasp what else I could have accomplished with that money, what else it could have gone towards to.

Pondering this issue, I realized the fleetingness of it all - purchasing something I felt I needed, only for it to go into the shelf, reduced to nothing but the spine of a book, just one among its thousands of brethren, insignificant like one of the guys who are credited as "Soldier 54" once the credits roll, the ones who are shot in the head or dismembered to make the audience realize that the hero might be in a pinch once it's his turn to face that particular warrior on the opposing side.

No one in the audience ever realizes that those guys, too, have their dreams - their families waiting at home, the love of their life who then seeks solace from their sudden demise by allowing our dead non-protagonist's best friend to comfort them from within the warmth of her bedsheets.

I honestly don't like that, and right now it feels like I've got a hell of a lot Soldier 54's here. I've hardly even read anything I've bought within the past few years, I'm no better than the audience that feels Soldier 54's role is only to make a ridiculously pretty-faced protagonist look even better, and that is something I cannot accept.

In short, I think I cannot give my books the attention they deserve and they cannot give me what I actually wish for. It is a tough realization, but now I feel like I've actually managed to understand what is important in my life. All my efforts, all my money could have gone towards something else, and I finally know what it should have been, what it can still be.

Two years ago, I said I had finally begun expanding a collection that was primarily focused on Touhou Project, since then, my purchases have somewhat exploded, I suppose. It took me two years, a lot of effort and even more money to realize this, but what is actually important to me in my life, what I feel I should be directing my attention towards, is not building the world's largest collection of Doujinshi, there is a dream greater than that, or many dreams, probably.

I no longer want to amass books I cannot appreciate past their artistic value and the entertainment they provide.

It is for that reason that I finally realized that I don't want to build the world's largest collection of Doujinshi - I want to build the world's largest collection of Touhou Project related Doujinshi and other merchandise.

It is the only series, the only part of my life I actually care enough about to warrant such an effort. I love my collection, but I love this one series more than anything else, it's the only one I consider worth it, the only whose books I read with an actual interest.

I've already removed everything else (minus FFXI, god, I love that game) from my collection, sales have already begun. There is no going back - I'm going for the top, determined to get there with things I truly care about.

By the way, I really hope no one thought I actually was going to get rid of my entire collection for something else - that would be just silly, wouldn't it?

Anyway, that settles this matter. To conclude this, I've taken the liberty of taking a group shot of my Soldier 54's. Once that shelf is empty, my mission is accomplished and all those books will be with people who can appreciate them more than I can, so feel free to check my lists for sales of Doujinshi and figures.

I salute you - farewell, friends, you were great, but from here on out, it's Touhou Project only!

1,101 osumaa • 20 kommenttia

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Kiinnostavia kommentteja
So is this all porn or what?
4 päivää sitten
Recent Comments
I can relate to this a lot, as someone that has spend the last almost 1,5 years digging through a huge collection, wanting to have something more specific. I have limited myself to 3 main franchises and 5 side-franchises, but I still find it very hard to get rid of certain items not fitting this criteria, so I salute you for that! Maybe one day my collection will also be limited to only 1 franchise. Or maybe I can get myself to drop the side-franchises...
1 päivää sitten
Lepetit89 (3 päivää sitten) #27179213What kind of animal do you take me for? Would have to look it up, but my non-Touhou Project Doujinshi should be 98 - 99% pornographic at most.

Lol, at least I'm not alone in having a collection that is overwhelmingly porn.

I firmly believe that's what doujinshi is primarily bought for anyway.

As an interesting side note though (perhaps more of a ramble, sorry!), I find it kind of funny how involved and interesting some of the so called "plotless smut" doujinshi can be.

One of my absolute favourite doujins involves a sort of "continuation" of a plot line from the series it's from. No mistake, there's (decently) graphic sex in there, but I swear the story feels like it was ripped right from "behind the scenes" if you will. Even the sex is woven into the story line, the characters and their motivations and just how screwed up, loving and co-dependent this particular pairing is (they're one of the only pairings my massive angst-aversion seems to have mysteriously skipped over).

I'd say 98% of the smut collection is just that, smut, with paper thin plot lines ("oh look, I found an aphrodisiac and I drank it, what ever could go wrong?", "let's watch a movie together ~alone~, I wonder what will happen?", so on and so forth), but I'm always pleasantly surprised to find a doujin that crafts an actual, thoughtful story in addition to the pornographic payoff we're all looking for.
3 päivää sitten
Lepetit89VIBlv35 Eastern Library
killindarlings (4 päivää sitten) #27109071So is this all porn or what?

What kind of animal do you take me for? Would have to look it up, but my non-Touhou Project Doujinshi should be 98 - 99% pornographic at most.
3 päivää sitten
I think slimming down the collection and finding focus is one of the best experiences in a collection-based hobby, so congrats! Very impressive collection too!
4 päivää sitten
kevinlowl (4 päivää sitten) #27124545For such a huge catalog, I never heard of this doujin artist before. Can you link Soldier 54's page on mfc here pls?
XD;; I think he meant the character's in movies who have no names but only appear as Soldier 54 (or Bystander 23 etc) in the end credits...

On another note, I always admired your dedication to your doujin collection. It is very impressive. But I understand the need to prune, so I wish you good luck to find new homes for all those who will have to leave you.
4 päivää sitten
For such a huge catalog, I never heard of this doujin artist before. Can you link Soldier 54's page on mfc here pls?
4 päivää sitten
This diary inspired me to finally take photos and list 95% of my figures on ebay.
4 päivää sitten
At first glance, I thought it was a normal shelf in a public library. Best of luck with your collection!
4 päivää sitten
I sort of understand how you feel and salute your dedication for adding all the database entries. I have around 500 doujins sitting around and most are from fandoms I bought at the height of their popularity and since then I have lost interest in their contents. I feel bad about the amount of money that went into the books that could've been put into better use (eg figures) but at the end of the day that applies to all collections.

Wishing you best of luck in your sales and your new goal :)
4 päivää sitten
Your words, metaphors, observations are awesome yet again, it's cool to be so dedicated. :D Best of luck to ya, friend.
4 päivää sitten
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